COOLER!!


Choosing the wrong lane!! I think I literally have the WORST luck when it comes to the selection of any sort of lane or line. Most recently I attended an Ottawa Senators game and I am a die hard Sens fan so I hate to miss ANY of the action. During the 1st intermission, I decide it would be a great time to go and get a beverage and a nice big ball park dog. I stroll up to the seemingly steady flowing lines and analyze the tweens behind the counter to decide which line is best for my speed and efficiency. I see one guy who looks like he is having a great time which to me spells trouble as he is likely taking his sweet ass time and has some weird fetish for pissing off impatient clientele such as myself. I opt for line 1 of 4 which has a larger gentlemen who seems to enjoy concession stands more then I do based on sheer size and assume he will know where to get the food, and how to get it fast. After 30 seconds I realize based on the frustrated patrons in front of me that this was the wrong choice. Not only was King Kong slow, but he seemed to be "In Training" based on his sideways lying name tag that likely was not used to sitting on such elegant man breasts. After literally 20 minutes and approximately 15 new faces in the line directly to my right, I decide to do the unthinkable and SWITCH LINES, assuming that line 2 of 4 will continue to move smoothly as it has been. FAIL. Not only does line 2's cash freeze after 1 customer, but line 1 is running smoother then a baby's ass. Not only do I miss 50% of the second period but by the time I get back to my seat I am STEAMING with anger and have no interest in doing anything with my hot dog and beer other then throwing it at the opposing fans faces. Trust your gut! COOLER! 

HEATER!!


Fresh starts! I have been with my current employer for close to 5 years and truly love what I do. Every day I come to work, I spend my day helping people and then I go home with a smile on my face (usually) and a feeling of accomplishment which in today's workforce is hard to find. With that being said I had fell into a certain comfort zone at my old location that was starting to make me somewhat lackadaisical and non-productive which as an employee is not the best position to be in. I made the conscious decision to transfer out of suburbia and into the core of Downtown Ottawa. Totally different demographic and new challenges. I have loved every minute of it. Made me think of what a HEATER it is to get a seemingly impossible second chance at the same job.

HEATER!! 

The elevator! Ever since I’ve been a little boy I’ve always been obsessed with elevators. When you think about it, it’s pretty much the poor mans time machine. You get in at one place, push a button and then see nothing but the door in front of you and the smell of the overweight sweating man to your immediate right.Next thing you know the door opens and you’re somewhere else. How amazing it that! As a kid there’s always the epic fight for WHO gets to push the button, so I just stopped asking and have stepped in front of multiple children to win the honour. Sorry you little bastards.... Big papi is pressing this time machine button. Elevators of all shapes and sizes are amazing. Definitely warrants a HEATER!! 

HEATER!!

Gravy!! I am not fat nor do I think I’m overweight in any way although my friends like to take jabs at the old pushing 30 shape I’ve become…..with that said as a disclaimer….I LOVE gravy. Chicken gravy, turkey gravy, poutine gravy, you name it I Love it. My family always makes fun of me because of the fact that I clean the table at Swiss Chalet or St. Hubert of all remaining sauce cups but to be honest....THIS IS ME.  Gravy is life. Gravy is heaven on earth. Gravy is the best food group in the world!! HEATER!! 

COOLER!!


When you call into a radio station and you're 1 caller off what they want! In my existence here on earth, I have followed a total of roughly 3-4 different radio stations as my tastes changed and the contract for each expired and they had to rename them. As everyone knows each radio station has it's own individual contests and as such they want a specific caller to win the prize. Currently it's caller 9. I have over the years been caller 3, caller 5, caller 6 caller 7 and most recently caller 8. Which is really a slap in the testes. They even give you the time of day when you call making you think you MAY be the 9th caller.....and then they drop the bomb on you and ruin your day. Shots to the testes = COOLER!~